Born Dreamer

I’m a born dreamer.
Is that so very bad?
I am quiet.
I go unnoticed.
I don’t speak unless I need to.
I can’t carry a conversation.
I can’t let myself go.
I’m always proper.
I don’t cheat.
I don’t lie.
I don’t smoke.
I don’t drink.
I don’t gamble.
I’m kind and nice and good and I always put others before myself.
I behave as if God were watching.

But because of that, I can’t get ahead in this world, where conviction and luminosity are the keys to a bright life. I will never be able to feel the peerlessness that comes with lowering my guard and letting down my walls and coming down from my pedestal of exultation. I won’t ever be as pure as I could be, if I could only free my tongue and speak without worrying about what others might make of my words.

I want to know that there are people who will stand by me no matter what, who will love me not in spite of my flaws, but because of them.

I want to spit my words out and be praised for how bold I can be, not how rude and naive a child I am and always will be.

I want to move in a way that seems as if I have complete and utter control over every fibre of my being, as if I might grow wings and fly without falling if I wished.

I want to create sounds that will put people to sleep, will wake them up, will make them cry, will soothe those same tears, will mingle with the pure, joyful laughter of millions.

I want to be a star, shining brightly above others, that does its best to stay and succeeds in staying grounded, for the sake of its past self, and to show its true gratitude for its light.

I want to make others bright and glittering, to stay in the shadows as just two words on the screen, disc, and album cover for others to glance over.

I want to let my heart cry for a make-believe character that has no connections to this world except for the ones I give it.

I want to know that the words I write are more that enough to bring an entirely other world to life before the eyes and mind of someone I have never met.

I want to write down the emotions I have never been able to explain through spoken words, to feel them resonate in someone else’s soul.

I don’t want any of these other dreams to come true, since in the end, I’m just always seeking the approval of other people, when all I really need is to be happy with myself.

I dream of what I might be and what I will never be.

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